I haven't been myself lately. My last meal was probably 2 days ago? If you consider a bowl of soup with 2 meatballs and an egg with a few mouths of "Hor Fun" a meal. The smell of food makes me nauseous and even drinking milk makes me want to regurgitate it all out. I blame it on gastritis, rather then my sub-conscious mind.
I am collapsing as a person.
I wiped the floor a couple of times, dry and then wet and then dry again. Alison said that I went into a cleaning frenzy. Then again, I am not someone who actually cleans. I guess I have been trying to keep my conscious mind busy and wearing my body out so that I can sleep better at night.
I have became such a light sleeper. I'm afraid of nightmares haunting me. Without even trying, I lost 3kg in less then 2 months. Usually when I try to go on a diet, my weight hardly even waivers, well, other then weight gain which I'm quite good at.
School has just been a major bitch. I can't find any more motivation to do anything "useful".
Never make anyone your everything - because when that person is gone, so is your everything. In my case, I guess he isn't really gone. My heart has just been shattered to almost dust after the torment of almost a year. Lesson learnt, never hold on to broken pieces - I'd just hurt myself even more.
Trust, what's trust when you have given someone so many chances just to be taken granted for.
Why am I still holding on - all because of a promise I made. I don't think I can uphold the promise any longer. This relationship is wearing me out. Dear heart, maybe it's time to let go, stop being stubborn, stop believing.
